I spent the better part of my Christmas vacation streaming cheesy holiday films with my mom and newborn daughter (more on that life-changing event soon). Some were good. Some were so cringey that I felt physical pain trying to make it to the end. But in almost every movie, the overarching theme seemed to point to the importance of belief as a prerequisite for wonderful things taking shape. Belief was the precursor to Santa being real, to hearing a bell ring, or to accepting love. Belief always came before the magic.
But what happens to a person when life makes it a bit difficult to believe in magic? What kind of damage is done to the psyche of a person with a long history of rocky relationships, or exciting plans that never materialized? Should it be expected that shaky faith equals a disappointing life?
I think the answer might be yes.
I am starting to see belief as a seed. If you plant the belief that you aren’t worthy of love, you tend to pull up relationship weeds that don’t look so lovely. When you bury within yourself the belief that your finances will always be in a state of disarray, you often harvest a life of lack and shortfalls. In 2020 I pushed the belief that I’d never have enough time to blog deep into the ground, so when December rolled around I noticed my content crops were lacking. I told myself I didn’t have time, so myself believed it.
Based on personal experiences I say this — life can only prove us right. Whatever we reap as belief we will sow as bounty or barrenness. What do you believe?
If you remember, I made amends with my womb last year and discarded my belief that because of my uterine fibroid my body was broken. With a healed belief system, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl in late November.
But today I started to see other cracks in my thinking. With all of my belongings now in storage, I’m in the process of selecting my next apartment. Two rental application rejections and two approvals in, I’ve commenced (in true Libra fashion) to talking myself into and out of the right place to call home over and over (and over) again. I’ve driven past the properties on multiple occasions, and stalked pictures online looking for reasons to run. My last apartment turned out to be a dud in a lot of ways, so I find myself being overly cautious (and critical) this time around. I find myself starting to believe I’ll make the wrong choice again.
But the fear that something won’t work out is a dangerous belief to breathe life into. Fear is the confidence in future disappointment or pain, and the trust that magic will pass you by. Granted, fear is sometimes appropriate to factor in (like when a fly baseball is heading in your direction). Other times it is evidence of a belief system infiltrated by a life of disappointment. Sometimes our belief systems need a bit of cultivation before they can produce a fruitful life. Mine sure does.
And so here I am and here we are. I’m cultivating a new belief system for 2021 — one rooted in hope and positivity. Not just as it concerns my current apartment hunt, but for all aspects of my life moving forward.
I’d like to plant a different kind of seed this year and cultivate a faith-filled life that always says, “Yes! Bring on the magic!”